No one wants to get a divorce, but life has its way of changing our courses on us. Marriages are wonderful, but not all marriages can withstand the hurdles and that is OK. According to http://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/ “40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce.” There are triggers which drive individuals to take divorce actions.
Actions can stem from infidelity, mistrust, controlling, anger management, lack of communication and emotional intimacy. There are other factors which contribute to the end of a marriage, and you get to decide.
I didn’t want to be on an emotional roller coaster anymore, so I chose to transition. You must decide what is your deal breaker for your transition. I took 15 years into perspective, I thought about the great things and not so great things and decided to move on. it was a hard shift, but I had to.
I wanted the process to be amicable and ensure the kid’s transition was seamless. Here are five things that I applied to have an efficient divorce:
Mindset– This is a big one! Throughout my process, I had to be resilient for myself and my kids. I could not let his behavior affect my state of mind or talked negatively about him in front of my kids, co-workers, family, or friends. Having a positive mindset is KEY!
Counselor– Due to the stress of the divorce, work and being a newly single mom, engaging with a counselor was a great choice. It helped me to release my thoughts and disappointments in his actions without reacting out of anger.
Lawyer– A lawyer plays an enormous role in the divorce process. He or she is your go-to person to figure out all the legal logistics. Your lawyer needs to be your biggest advocate. My lawyer was great for quick and easy processes, but mine was contested so it took longer. He needed to be more aggressive, he was too chilled.
Time– We all want the process to be quick, I wanted it to be quick and I have friends who wanted their divorce to be quick. But I say don’t rush it, stay engaged with the other party even if he or she pushes back and they will push back. The time allowed me to not just give away things that I would regret later.
Compromise– This is a must, to transition out of a marriage, I believe both parties must compromise. You can compromise on a property, child, and spousal support, retirement benefits just to list a few. We both compromised on things even though it took a while.
With these five processes, my transition was not irrational, did not cost a lot of money, but it took some time. That time allowed me to not have negative emotions about my ex-husband and time permitted me to transition without additional stress.
Question– What process helped you in your transition?
“Motivation Accountability Change”