“Love is blind and it will take over your mind.” In the words of the singer Eve.
When we first enter a relationship, we become blind to things that our partners do or say. Things that are red flags, but we ignore and hope that the individual will change for the better, but only to realize that the red flags magnify.
Here are thirteen red flags that we all should be aware of when transitioning into a new relationship.
- Insecurity- This is where your partner gets upset because you are spending time with friends, family and just doing your own thing.
- Infidelity- Cheats on you within 30 days of dating
- Flirtatious– Flirts with the opposite sex
- Time- The relationship is rushed and within a week you are an official couple and ready to move in
- Controlling– Your partner tracks your every movement from going to the store, visiting friends, what you wear etc.
- Physical obsession- Is when your partner is just focused on your beauty and nothing else. He or she looks at you as a trophy.
- No goals- He/she cannot verbalize his/her short and long-term goals.
- Overspending with credit cards- This is an indication that the individual is irresponsible and don’t mind being in debt.
- The “I love you”-under 30 days.
- Argumentative– Your partner starts arguments out of the blue.
- Meeting family- Mom/day within 30 days, you are now part of a family that you did not agree on.
- Dishonest– Your partner lies for minute things such as where they grew up, attended school, relationship status, etc.
- Verbally Abusive– Your partner yells and talks down to you.
In the end, you must know what red flags you are willing to accept. Some may be minor while others are extreme and should not be accepted. Relationships are built on trust and security.
Question: What are some other red flags that individuals in a new relationship may encounter?
“Motivation Accountability Change”
We are in the second month of the New Year and back in January, there were many New Year’s resolutions to hit the gym, lose weight and look your best. We all start off strong and determine to meet our goals, but then something happens. We lose focus, but there is a way to make up for what you missed by doing High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) at home, outside or at the gym.
What is HIIT? According to an article published by Andjelka Pavlovic, Ph.D. at Source “High-intensity interval training (HIT/HIIT) is an effective method of training that yields improvements in exercise performance, fitness, and health. HIT is characterized by short, high-intensity work bouts, with lower intensity recovery phases that are repeated throughout one exercise session.”
When you incorporate HIIT into your workout, you get an intense workout in less time. As a certified Exercise Group Instructor, I’ve led my classes with HITT training while in Portugal, where we did variations of 20, 30, or 45 minutes of HITT exercises. With HIIT, you can incorporate no equipment or add equipment and have an effective workout.
When I taught HITT, my exercises ranged from Total Body, Free Weights, Bosu Ball, Barbell, Jump Rope etc. During my classes, my students received a fun, energetic and killer workout and that is how you should feel when you are done working out.
Why I recommend HITT. I recommend HIIT because it is fun, quick, and effective. When I do it, I can see the changes in my entire body. My body parts are defined and I love it. You can improve your fitness and endurance by incorporating HIIT into your weekly workout. Here is a quick workout for you to implement anywhere and five the benefit of doing each provided by other authors.
(5 Exercises & 5 Rounds)
(1 Minute of Work & 15 Seconds of Rest)
Jump Rope– Is fun and easy to add to any workout anywhere. It is an easy equipment to pack when while on the road for work. There are so much that you can do with a jump rope. Here are five benefits provided byhttps://www.acefitness.org/education-and-resources/lifestyle/blog/6395/7-benefits-of-jumping-rope,
- Jumping rope can increase the elasticity and resiliency of lower-leg muscles, leading to a reduced risk of lower-leg injuries
- Jumping rope can help improve your coordination
- Jumping rope can help improve your cognitive function.
- Jumping rope can help increase the intensity of circuit-training workouts.
- Jump ropes are extremely portable, which makes them an excellent option when traveling.
Wall Sit– Another easy exercise that you can do anywhere and you will feel the burn the longer you sit against the wall. All you have to do is put your back against the wall and go down as fart as you feel comfortable. Here are five benefits provided by http://www.bodybuildingestore.com/10-benefits-of-wall-sit-exercises/ you can click on the link to read the other three benefits.
- Strength the Muscles
- Helps in Focusing
- Helps in Gaining the Stamina
- Makes Your Thighs Really Strong
- Allows You to Be More Flexible with your Body
Push-ups– is a great way to build upper body strength, but you are also building lower body strength as well. Here are five benefits of why you should implement push-ups into your workouts provided by https://www.livestrong.com/article/25511-benefits-pushups/,
- Target Multiple Muscle Groups
- You Can Do Them Anywhere
- Push-Ups Build Core Strength
- They Burn Lots of Calories
- Push-Ups Are Easy to Modify
Lying Leg Raises-Is one of my favorite exercise to do, because it is a great workout for the core. There are many other variations of working the abdominal from crunches, hanging leg raises, alternating knees to elbow, etc.
Here are three benefits of doing leg raises according to http://bcworkout.com/2015/06/05/what-are-the-benefits-of-leg-raise-exercises/
- Lower back muscles- With regular execution of leg raises, it will help in lowering the risk of experiencing a back injury, strain, or pain when you perform other routines or daily activities.
- Abdominal/core muscle– The primary group of muscle that benefits from leg raise is the lower abdominal muscles.
- Hip flexors- One thing about all types of leg raise exercises is that they will increase agility, flexibility, and strength of hip flexors
Planks- is a great way to have a full body workout in, you can do different planks such a steady planks, up/downs, plank jacks, side planks, alternating knees to elbow planks. As you can see this is a great exercise to incorporate it. Here are five plank benefits by http://www.lifehack.org/292578/7-things-that-will-happen-when-you-do-planking-exercise-every-day
- You’ll improve core definition and performance
- You’ll decrease your risk of injury in the back and spinal column
- You’ll experience an increased boost to your overall metabolism
- You’ll significantly improve your posture
- You’ll improve overall balance
I enjoy doing all these exercises at home, outside or at the gym, and I hope that you will find them enjoyable as well. Remember you determine your fitness goals and levels so modify as needed, but push yourself. Click on the above links to read about the additional benefits of incorporating these five exercises into your workouts and have fun doing them
Question: What is your favorite exercise to do?
“Motivational Accountability Change”
“Leadership is not about a title or a designation. It’s about impact, influence, and inspiration. Impact involves getting results, influence is about spreading the passion you have for your work, and you have to inspire team-mates and customers.” Robin S. Sharma Source
During a job interview, your goal is to land that job and hope that your boss is awesome. However, you don’t know what type of boss you would have. You can have a boss who does everything right and allows you to do your job or a boss who barely gives you the opportunity to get the job done without looking over your shoulders.
With sixteen years of military service, I have worked in different sections and locations, which required me having a new boss every time I transitions. I’ve worked for military and civilian leaders and I have experienced effective and ineffective leadership.
Being a leader is something that you choose to become or is selected by your leadership. In the military, this happens all the time, which is a great opportunity to showcase and improve one’s leadership abilities. Individuals who are effective leaders take the opportunity to grow, while others look at the opportunity as a daunting task.
As I leader, I’ve led people in the performance of their jobs and preferred to empower my staff. I don’t understand why some leaders have to take full control of their people’s work. I say let them do their jobs, provide guidance, listen to feedback and allow your people to lead his or her section.
If you are wondering if you or your boss is an effective leader, here are some characteristic to take into consideration:
20 Effective Leader Characteristics
They recognized their team members
They show Compassion
They show Strength
They are dependable
They are charismatic
They learn from their mistakes
They empower their team members
They set the example
They find solutions
They listen to their team members
They are rational
They give credit to employee’s work
They are motivators
They are involved
They get things done
They are positive
They are trustworthy
They are a team player
They respect their team members
In conclusion, we all want to work for someone who is an effective leader and someone who provides guidance. An effective leader is someone you can trust and empowers you to perform at your best. Effective leaders and a great team is the driving force for business success. My military experience has proven the effective leadership is KEY to mission success.
Question: Do you have an effective boss?
“Motivational Accountability Change”
Dating before or after a divorce can be an easy transition for some, but difficult for others. I believe it all comes down to the person and if he or she is ready emotionally, mentally and physically. From personal experience, I have been around others who started dating during their divorce or separation process and others who waited after the divorce to allow someone in. As a newly divorcee, I preferred to entertain someone after my divorce.
Is it men or women who jump into a relationship first during their divorce transition? This can go both ways. From experience, men are the first to hook up or become serious with another woman during their transition process.
Why is that? There can be numerous reasons why both men and women leap into a new relationship without the current one ending. Here are a few:
- They are afraid to be alone
- They want to fill a void
- It’s something new
- Physical connection
- Emotional connection
Who waits after the divorce is final to date? Me, why date someone who is separated, but legally married. It does not make sense, if you want to be in a committed relationship then that person needs to be disconnected from their exes is all ways. Why not legal divorce before entertaining someone new.
It’s important to wait; waiting helped me to take time for myself and really focus on my transition without additional distractions. Adding another person in the mix is just a temporary solution so why not face the situation at hand and then venture out and date. Another factor why I did not date during my divorce is because I was not ready for a new relationship. I wanted my new relation to be built on trust with no additional baggage from my past relationship.
The benefit of waiting to date after a divorce:
- Knowing what I wanted. By waiting I was able to truly define what I expected out of my next relationship.
- Defining what I will not accept and what my deal breakers were.
- Time aided me to enjoy being and living alone so that I can accept the next person who enters my life organically.
- Being ready, I am ready to enter a new relationship with nothing else but myself, I’m ready to enter with no fear or insecurity. I’m entering it with an open heart.
In conclusion, it is up to the person to determine if he or she is emotionally, mentally and physically ready to date during their divorce or wait until it is finalized. I am happy I waited because I know when I enter my next relationship I’m going in with clarity.
Questions: Would you date during the divorce process or wait?
“Motivation Accountability Change”
After fifteen years in a marriage and newly divorce, I’m a newly single woman who is ready to focus on me. Fifteen years ago, I got married had two kids and that is where I put all my time and energy into along with my job. As a mom and wife this what we do, we forget about us. We make sure everyone is happy, fed and living life while we are exhausted from doing everything. Being a mom is an amazing opportunity, but ladies it’s time for us to make ourselves a priority in the process.
I’m making myself a priority by focusing on me, and after a year of being single and living alone I’m excited to see what adventures are awaiting me.
During my year of singleness, there were some benefits that I encountered which all single women should embrace. Being single has allow me to accepts the fact that I can live alone and be happy. So many people are afraid to be alone. The comfort of being relaxed and free to do what I want without answering to anyone or being question is amazing. As I transition into this new adventure, I am ready explore and try new things. Here are the four ventures that I am ready to explore:
Learning about me- This is so important for us to learn about ourselves daily. As a single woman I’ m learning to live freely which as empower me to take more risks without questioning what if and instead just take action.
Meet new people- Yes, I’m ready to see what options are available out there. It’s has been a year of chilling without a companion. I’m ready for someone to make me laugh and converse with daily on the phone and not through text. I’m ready for dinners, movies, shows and more. I’m excited about getting back into the dating game, it has been a long time.
Travel– I’m ready to travel to different countries and see the beauty from different lenses and a clearer mind. I want to see new scenic views, diversity, consume new dishes, and meet new people along away. And living in the United Kingdom is a great place to jump start my travel adventures. My plan is to take one trip per month to see what new awakening I will discover about myself.
Time- Being single, I’m able to reinvest my time back into me. I’m able to get up and go. I’ve learn that being single you love yourself more, you become focus on becoming a better version of yourself. You pamper yourself and you make new friends because you get out and network instead of staying at home.
To all my single women, I want you to own and embrace your singleness! its an opportunity to learn about you , your needs and yours wants out of life. If you find yourself living the singleness life take it as a time to explore until somethings else comes along.
Question: What tips do you have for single men and women?
“Motivation Accountability Change”
A Heart Attack can happen to anyone at any time. According to http://heartinsight.heart.org/Summer-2017/New-Numbers-Same-Story/, “The number of adults living with heart failure increased from about 5.7 million (2009-2012) to about 6.5 million (2011-2014), according to the American Heart Association’s 2017 Heart Disease and Stroke Statistics Update.” Wow, that is a significant rise and I never thought I would have someone close to me to be affected by it.
What a day it was on 31 Oct 2017; I was dressed up as a crazy doctor on top of a table surrounded by fake blood, body parts screaming demonic sounds and gibberish to scare people. Then all of a sudden, my phone interrupted my Spotify scream playlist. I jumped off the table, hit ignore and less than a minute later my phone rang again, and I hit declined once more. Next, a text came through and the message read, “you need to step away from what you are doing and call home.”
Reading the message, I was in panic mode like what the hell happened. The first person came to mind was my mom, thinking she had a heart attack, passed away etc. I picked up the phone and called my sister in a frantic tone “what happened? ” and out of her mouth “dad had a heart attack and he is in Intensive Care Unit (ICU)” What? I could not believe it, my dad? The man who at 63 worked two jobs to support his family. The man who looked healthy. The man who was an active walker and provider for my mom. I could not believe it and breath in that moment.
I was in shock and soon the tears were rolling down. I couldn’t understand, he was healthy, active walker, a slim man. I couldn’t jump on a plane the next day because I was in a foreign country, so I all I could do was PRAY. I looked to the chaplain who was within a few feet and asked him to PRAY for my dad and with no question, we prayed in that moment! That night I could not sleep, I was anxious, worrying and just prayed for good news.
After three days, I was back in the United States and I got to see my dad laying lifeless in Newark Beth Israel Hospital. Emotions, between my siblings and I were overwhelming. We stayed positive, asks for the best doctors and leaned on each other to stay strong for our dad.
My dad was gone for 20 minutes and due to the performance by the doctors, they were able to regain a heartbeat. The adjustment was hard; seeing him hooked up to various machines in his sides, mouth, arms to help him breathe, control his blood pressure, control his bleeding, and feeding.
As the days progressed, my siblings and I were uncertain of the outcome. After weeks of praying and the awesome nurses and doctors’ performance, my dad progress got better over time. He spent a total of forty-nine days in the hospital and rehabilitation center. With so much time on bed rest, my dad had to learn how to speak and walk again. With prayer, determination, consistency, and support, anyone can come out of any situation.
In conclusion, my dad went from critical to healthy and it all came down to the number of prayers received from family, friends and the medical staff who took amazing care of him. Take the time out of your day to show love to your family and friends daily. Life is too short to not LIVE it fully.
Remember to get educated on the signs of a Heart Attack because no one is exempt!
“Motivation Accountability Change”
February is the month of Love. This is the month where we celebrate Valentine’s Day; where we are presented with extra love and gifts from our mates. This is the time where we spend extra money to show our partners how much we love them. On this special day, I’ve received gifts such as dinners, perfumes, chocolates, and flowers. All those things were wonderful and I loved it.
But I’m going to switch things up for February, the month of love. I’m giving myself some extra SELF-LOVE. So, for the next 28 days, I will perform one simple act of #self-love. Join me on this journey and see what amazing things you will learn and love about yourself.
According to https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-love is “regard for one’s own happiness or advantage” I love this, it’s telling me and you that we determine our own happiness.
What will demonstrating self-love do for you? Acts of self-love builds confidence, increases energy, removes any self-doubt, build relationships, empowerment, happiness, secure in oneself, courage, content with life, and boost a positive mindset.
I hope you are excited as I am to complete these 28 acts of self-love. Let’s get the Self-love fun started.
Your self-love awareness will be heightened after implementing these 28 items. It’s an act that you should live by every day. Self-love is the magic of enjoying and living a full life. During the 28 days, you can do the tasks in order or switch it up. Make it fun and remember to track your progress by using the printable.
Share with a friend who would love to do this and take pictures of your acts to encourage someone else.
Checkout my love letter to myself by clicking the link http://shevvymac.com/a-love-letter-to-me-from-me/
“Motivation Accountability Change”
“Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.”
Having a partner is a wonderful thing. In the beginning of meeting that girl or guy, we are excited. We get that butterfly feeling in our stomach. The person is constantly on our mind and our phone conversations would last forever. As a teenager, I remember falling asleep on the phone because I was in that phase of love/lust with my boyfriend. Do people still fall asleep on the phone or is that a teenage thing that we go through? Looking back, that was fun, but at the age of 36 and newly divorced; I have learned some relationship lessons and the different cycles of relationships.
You need to make sure you are in a healthy and fun relationship. In my last relationship, I had fun, but there were times when I was not satisfied due to the lack of communication, affection and other factors. If your partner chooses not to effectively communicate and not give you the things needed to build a strong relationship, then your relationship will be a struggle. It will make you question why you are with this person whom you love. You will begin to fade out of it. This is what happened to me, I couldn’t continue to repeat the same cycle, I love to laugh and not be miserable.
Let’s get into the various types of relationships:
Healthy– This is the dream relationship that we all should strive to have. In this stage, you receive all your partner’s great qualities from effective communication, affection, love, intimacy, and more. In addition, you will reciprocate the same emotions back to your partner. Arguments are healthy and do not prolong for days due to one partner being petty and behaving like a child. A healthy relationship is where you and your partner allow each to have your own space. You enjoy seeing the other person. In a healthy relationship, your partner will motive and inspire you to achieve your goals. He or she will be your biggest cheerleader!
Toxic- When we meet someone we don’t know whether he or she is a toxic person because they show up as their representative. But within a few months, they will show signs of toxicity. If you partner is toxic then he or she does not want you to succeed in your goals. They will have a negative mindset and criticize everything that you do. Moreover, they will be jealous of the time you spend with your friends and family members. Your partner will create unnecessary arguments because they want your full attention and they don’t know how to communicate their needs. Toxic relationships affect your confidence and happiness. It’s 2018 and you should not let anyone impact your happiness; you get to choose. If you are in a toxic relationship, ask yourself why you are still there.
Verbally Abusive- In this relationship, your partner cares and love you, but when you do something that affects him/her then the verbal abuse will begin. It can be as simple, as saying you’re stupid, you don’t do anything correctly. They will downplay your emotions, and the hinder your confidence by not supporting your goals or compliment you on your beauty. Furthermore, your partner is verbally abusing you by calling you names or yelling at you as if you are the child.
Physically Abusive- The first time someone puts his or her hands on you, it is time for you to evaluate why you are still there. Physical abuse can be grabbing of the arms, bruises, things that others would not see. It does not have to be visible to the eyes. Some partners become physical when he or she consumes alcohol or has an anger problem. The person may say they won’t do it again. But if they did it once, they will do it again. Know when it is time to transition.
Mentally Abusive- Mental abuse in a relationship is a serious thing that occurs daily. Sometimes you may not know that your partner is mentally manipulating you until later into the relationship. From personal experience, I know what is like for someone to make you feel as if you’re the one at fault for their behavior. Your partner will say things so that you can feel sorry for him or her. They will play mind games with you to believe that they are sick, they can’t live without you, you are their everything, or they are going to hurt themselves. If they need help, yes, it is your duty to provide them with the resources to ensure they are safe. This relationship will mentally drain you. If you see any signs, call your partner out on his or her behavior and act to make your relationship stronger or transition.
I’m no expert, but I have experience and have friends who have lived in some of these cycles of relationships. This is a great topic to discuss with your preteens and teenagers who are thinking about dating or are currently dating. Your relationship should be a healthy one where your love is unconditional and you are not changing who you are to please the other party. Your partner, should empower you and give you a daily dose of love, hugs and laughter. There should be more smiles than frowns on your face. Your face should light up when you see your partner.
“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”
Question– What are some relationship tips that have work for you?
“Motivation Accountability Change”
Are we only meant to receive “Love Letters” from a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband? This can be a Yes or No depending on the person you’re asking. As I strolled through my Instagram feed last week, I came across “Divasdodonate” page, that I follow. Their motivational message for that day was, “Write a Love Letter to Yourself”. Automatically, I was game and it’s a fantastic idea for me, you, and whomever to write a love letter to ourselves.
Your topic is you, so you have no excuse not to get started. Your Love Letter can be short, long and you can make this self-awareness a weekly, monthly, or a quarterly thing that you do. It will help you to see the real you and more appreciation for yourself. Be honest and forthcoming when you begin. Here goes my Love Letter!
I want you to know that I admire you for the woman, mom, sister, and friend you have become over the years. When I look at you, I see beauty, strength, energy, confidence, smart, and authenticity. You are an ambitious person who wants to showcase her best and bring others along for the journey. Shevon, you’re a true and loyal person who is always there to assist. I can depend on you to make me laugh, accomplish my goals, and stay motivated.
The love you have for your kids are amazing; you have taught them to enjoy life as kids, try new things, the importance of education, be resilient during tough times and to love each other and no their each other’s number one. They have a cool mom whom they can laugh and dance with at the spur of the moment anywhere. In addition, you’re the mom who has them in bed at 8 o’clock to have a good night sleep even though they may not want to.
Lastly, you have experienced a lot within the last year, traveled, met new people, grown, and initiated new adventures. I want you to continue exploring yourself, share that beautiful smile to everyone you encounter and be present for everyone and all situation.
OK, you’ve read my Love Letter, now it’s your turn. Grab your computer, phone, tablet, pen, paper and write your own Love Letter. Write what you feel; it will allow you to see yourself in a differently. You may laugh, cry who knows. What do you have to lose?
I smiled as I wrote my letter; it had me reflecting about everything that I have accomplished thus far and other opportunities for the future. Now go ahead, find a relaxed place and learn about you. Make sure to keep your thoughts on the positive side and enjoy.
Thank you divasdodontae for the inspiration, don’t forget to check out their page on Instagram by clicking on the link below.
Questions- What emotions did you experience from writing your Love Letter?
Motivation Accountability Change
Who doesn’t love to eat foods that are flavorful and delicious? Going out to eat is great, but it is better to have a home-cooked meal in the comfort of your home. Here are two simple breakfast and dinner recipes you can make for yourself or the family. Let’s get started.
Waffles with Eggs & Spinach
Ingredients: (serves 1)
- Frozen whole wheat waffles
- 2 medium size eggs
- 1 small pack fresh spinach
- 2 tablespoon soy sauce
- Tablespoon butter/oil
- Pinch of Basil
- Set fire to medium and grab your frying pan
- Add butter or oil to the pan
- Add the spinach after 5 minutes
- Sauté spinach, add soy sauce and let it simmer for 5 minutes
- Sprinkle dry Basil and set aside
- Next, crack 2 eggs, use the same pan and fry the eggs
- Cook the eggs to medium
- Toast the waffles
- Plate, add your favorite syrup and eat up!
Oven Baked Salmon with Spinach & Ricotta Tortellini
Ingredients: (serves 1)
- Fresh salmon
- 1 pack Spinach & Ricotta Tortellini
- I Pack Stir Fry Vegetable
- 4 Tablespoon Soy & Teriyaki sauces
- 1 Tablespoon Basil
- ½ Teaspoon chili powder
- Set your oven to 350⁰
- Place your salmon on a sheet pan with butter, basil, chili powder and 1 tablespoon of Soy/Teriyaki
- Baked Salmon for 12 minutes
- Add Tortellini to boiling water for 3 minutes/drain and sauté with butter and set aside
- Set your fire to medium, add butter/vegetables/sauces and sauté for 6 minutes
Plate, and eat up!
Let know how yours came out and send me a picture.
“Motivation Accountability Change”