“Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.”
Having a partner is a wonderful thing. In the beginning of meeting that girl or guy, we are excited. We get that butterfly feeling in our stomach. The person is constantly on our mind and our phone conversations would last forever. As a teenager, I remember falling asleep on the phone because I was in that phase of love/lust with my boyfriend. Do people still fall asleep on the phone or is that a teenage thing that we go through? Looking back, that was fun, but at the age of 36 and newly divorced; I have learned some relationship lessons and the different cycles of relationships.
You need to make sure you are in a healthy and fun relationship. In my last relationship, I had fun, but there were times when I was not satisfied due to the lack of communication, affection and other factors. If your partner chooses not to effectively communicate and not give you the things needed to build a strong relationship, then your relationship will be a struggle. It will make you question why you are with this person whom you love. You will begin to fade out of it. This is what happened to me, I couldn’t continue to repeat the same cycle, I love to laugh and not be miserable.
Let’s get into the various types of relationships:
Healthy– This is the dream relationship that we all should strive to have. In this stage, you receive all your partner’s great qualities from effective communication, affection, love, intimacy, and more. In addition, you will reciprocate the same emotions back to your partner. Arguments are healthy and do not prolong for days due to one partner being petty and behaving like a child. A healthy relationship is where you and your partner allow each to have your own space. You enjoy seeing the other person. In a healthy relationship, your partner will motive and inspire you to achieve your goals. He or she will be your biggest cheerleader!
Toxic- When we meet someone we don’t know whether he or she is a toxic person because they show up as their representative. But within a few months, they will show signs of toxicity. If you partner is toxic then he or she does not want you to succeed in your goals. They will have a negative mindset and criticize everything that you do. Moreover, they will be jealous of the time you spend with your friends and family members. Your partner will create unnecessary arguments because they want your full attention and they don’t know how to communicate their needs. Toxic relationships affect your confidence and happiness. It’s 2018 and you should not let anyone impact your happiness; you get to choose. If you are in a toxic relationship, ask yourself why you are still there.
Verbally Abusive- In this relationship, your partner cares and love you, but when you do something that affects him/her then the verbal abuse will begin. It can be as simple, as saying you’re stupid, you don’t do anything correctly. They will downplay your emotions, and the hinder your confidence by not supporting your goals or compliment you on your beauty. Furthermore, your partner is verbally abusing you by calling you names or yelling at you as if you are the child.
Physically Abusive- The first time someone puts his or her hands on you, it is time for you to evaluate why you are still there. Physical abuse can be grabbing of the arms, bruises, things that others would not see. It does not have to be visible to the eyes. Some partners become physical when he or she consumes alcohol or has an anger problem. The person may say they won’t do it again. But if they did it once, they will do it again. Know when it is time to transition.
Mentally Abusive- Mental abuse in a relationship is a serious thing that occurs daily. Sometimes you may not know that your partner is mentally manipulating you until later into the relationship. From personal experience, I know what is like for someone to make you feel as if you’re the one at fault for their behavior. Your partner will say things so that you can feel sorry for him or her. They will play mind games with you to believe that they are sick, they can’t live without you, you are their everything, or they are going to hurt themselves. If they need help, yes, it is your duty to provide them with the resources to ensure they are safe. This relationship will mentally drain you. If you see any signs, call your partner out on his or her behavior and act to make your relationship stronger or transition.
I’m no expert, but I have experience and have friends who have lived in some of these cycles of relationships. This is a great topic to discuss with your preteens and teenagers who are thinking about dating or are currently dating. Your relationship should be a healthy one where your love is unconditional and you are not changing who you are to please the other party. Your partner, should empower you and give you a daily dose of love, hugs and laughter. There should be more smiles than frowns on your face. Your face should light up when you see your partner.
“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”
Question– What are some relationship tips that have work for you?
“Motivation Accountability Change”